Hit the Road; March 8 2020

I’ve spent my weekend packing up my things. Tomorrow, I move out of my apartment, the final condemning stamp on my relationship’s end.

I’m not as sad as I thought I would be. It’s been a difficult ordeal, and it will continue to be one, but right now... It just is what it is. I have no home in which I feel truly safe, but I have support with my child. I don’t trust that the people I’m staying with – my ex’s family – aren’t harbouring secret resentment towards me or worse, but I don’t think anyone will be outright hostile.

Things are hard but I have something. I think that’s what it comes down to.

In a couple of weeks, I’ll be speaking to a lawyer to help me draw up a formal separation agreement. I want to make sure both my ex and I are covered, when it comes to our rights and responsibilities; namely, where our child is concerned. I want to know if this will have an impact on where I can live, once I’m able to move.

I don’t really know where I want to go. I love Toronto, but can’t afford to live here without my ex’s help. There’s a place for me in Ottawa, but that’s awfully far and might not be approved of by custody law (I’ll have to find out).

Living with a disability means there are only so many places I can go. Accessibility is key, and that means transit and resources. I need to be able to get back to the city to see my specialists. I need an area urban enough to do deliveries on things like groceries. I need an apartment or house within walking distance of a bus stop, if not a subway.

I did apply for subsidized housing in Toronto, but that’s for years in the future. We’ll see if anything comes of that further down the line.

I wish I could live without struggling, but if that’s not on the table, I just want to do right by my kid.