Hope for the Future; May 10 2020

Today’s the day, for mothers and parents who take a maternal role! The day y’all – well, we, actually – are celebrated for the effort we expend in raising tiny humans.

I’ve been really struggling with guilt over what my kid’s life has been, thus far. Even aside from the pandemic, nothing has panned out even close to as intended, and she’s known a lot of upheaval. She’s not even two yet, and she’s been moved back and forth three times, had people in and out of her life without consistency, and her parents split up. There’s only been one constant, and that’s me.

In looking for a new place to live, I’ve realized I need to essentially start over in terms of possessions. All sorts of essentials are going with my ex, which means I needed to buy a bed for both myself and my kid, new utensils and cookware, furniture such as a coffee table and bookcase. If you’re interested in helping me in this, please check out my Ko-fi – every bit helps, and not a cent is being spent on anything but apartment necessities.

My life aside, I thought it’d be fun to write about one of the big themes in my fantasy novel, KANAE. You guessed it...

Motherhood.

When Kanae is told that her ‘purpose’ is to carry and birth a demigod child, she has deeply conflicted feelings about this. What ultimately bothers her is the idea that her only worth is in her body and biological sex, but she also wrestles with what becoming a mother would mean for her.

Kanae is an Ornament; a type of priestess sworn to serve the deities and keep balance in the world. They serve the needs of their people, but are also secretly the judge, jury, and executioner of anyone throwing things into chaos. It’s a heavy moral burden, but Kanae loves being an Ornament, loves being able to help others. Dedicating herself to raising a child would mean abandoning her way of life. Abandoning the infant to be cared for by someone else doesn’t even occur to her – she recognizes how important the job is.

So does she birth a demigod and raise him to do good for her country, giving up everything she once loved in the process? Or does she try to affect change some other way, leaving herself the option of returning to being an Ornament when she’s done?

As for what she decides to do... Well, that would be a spoiler. But I like to think there is no right answer. Bringing a single person into being can change more than just the mother’s life – they could change the world. You never know what someone will do with the time they’re given. On the other hand, having a child and raising them right means making some sacrifices. You can never return to the way things were.

Most mothers choose to make that choice, that sacrifice. They decided to hope for a better world, and thought that we, their children, would make it a little brighter. That’s worth honouring. Those are the mothers who deserve to be celebrated today.

Happy Mother’s Day!