Having Fun; August 14 2023

I’m surrounded by bubbles. How does my child have the energy to chase them? I just don’t know.

I miss having the will to play. Not play a specific game, mind you - I have board games and video games, and I’m typically enthusiastic to play those. The board games especially, if I could just find someone free and willing to be my opposition. But, I miss imagination games. Let-my-energy-out games. Tag, Grounders, The Floor is Lava. Swing sets and see-saws.

My body holds me back from the physical games. My work ethic under capitalism warps imagination games into book ideas. Even if something is fun, my poverty-poisoned brain wants to turn it into something I can sell.

It’s kinda sad. I can’t remember when fun stopped being for fun’s sake.

When I grew up into a young adult, ‘fun’ involved going dancing, singing karaoke, occasional acting or modelling. I got into cosplay, which was a mixed bag — a lot of stress that was ultimately awesome, if people recognised and loved the character. I found driving fun, for a while.

All those things involved an emotional release, of sorts. I could turn off my brain and focus on a single thing at a time, which was nice.

Now, I think I find fun in trying new things. Different foods, different experiences. And having a kid helps, because that extends to her, too — when she tries something new that she enjoys, I love it, too.

I can’t help missing how I used to play, but this is good, too.