Cope; September 26 2020

I hit the darkest place I have in my entire life, and documented it on this blog.

After that, I tried to turn things around – namely, my outlook – by keeping this blog relatively positive. That’s been really hard to do. The temptation to just pour my hopelessness out into words has been enormous, and the only thing stopping me from giving into despair has been my child, and my writing.

So, this week, I want to talk about using writing to cope. It won’t be a very drawn-out post because I feel like, if you also use writing to cope, you’ve already found something that works for you and that’s great!

A lot of my subject matter gets pretty dark. Trauma is the cornerstone of horror, and I use mine to build pyramids. I reflect my worries and woes in a way I have control over – I can make sure my protagonist survives the outcome, I get to decide how others treat them and who’s in the wrong.

But having control in one aspect can put the lack of control I have everywhere else in an even harsher light.

I have an unfortunate tendency to get obsessive when I write, and it’s got a lot to do with that. I become completely engrossed in meeting a deadline, whether it’s self-imposed or otherwise! That idea of finishing something on time also gives me a modicum of stability, because it’s entirely by my own power that it gets done.

I have to give myself kudos here because I still manage to care for my toddler in the process. Writing centres me and actually makes it easier to play with her on my ‘breaks’. Still, it would be really easy to let things slide if my other obligations weren’t capable of talking and demanding my attention, and before I had my kid, I was all too willing to let self-care slide. Food could be skipped, sleep could be put off.

Not shockingly, that usually wound up screwing me over more in the long term.

Healthy coping is all about escaping the house fire that is life, but making sure you aren’t coming home to find the fire has spread.