Mom; May 9 2022

It was Mother’s Day yesterday! For those of you with great relationships with your mothers/children, I hope it was great! For those who don’t, I hope you were gentle with yourselves and treated yourselves right. A special shout out to the gender non-conforming birth-givers!

I’m lucky to have an absolutely amazing mother. There was a big chunk of time in which I was afraid to talk to her about everything going on in my life – I’d realized I was a trans man, figured out how deep some of my trauma went, and was in several loving polyamorous relationships I didn’t know how to explain. I’d always worried I was the disappointing one, between me and my brother. He’s been through a lot, too, but always (in my opinion) carried it with more dignity than I ever could. He quite literally saved my life, succeeded in all the ways I was too afraid to even try. He’s the easy child. For all that I’ve tried to be a good person and do right by the people who love me, I was still the difficult one.

But my mom never treated me like I was. This idea that I had to be somehow easier to raise was something I put on myself. There were so many times that I thought I must be hurting her just by virtue of being myself – a mentally ill person, a disabled person, a confused and messed up kid internalizing trauma I could barely remember – that I accidentally hurt her the most by shutting her out.

It all came out one day when I was considering marrying one of my partners. We tentatively called ourselves engaged and posted about it on social media, only for my aunt to see it and congratulate my mother on the announcement. She was beyond furious – she was hurt. I hadn’t been communicative for years, and that was hardly the right way to tell her about a major life decision.

It all came pouring out, then. I told her everything that had been going through my head, explained how scared I’d been at letting her down once again.

And she understood. She told me I was brave and that she could see why I was so afraid, but that I’d never have to be.

My mom’s been the most solid and steadfast person I’ve known, my whole life. I’m beyond lucky to have her; she was my role model before I became a parent and even more so now.

So, Happy Mother’s Day to the most amazing mom I know!

… And down here, we’ve got the next little excerpt of our improv story!

They awoke with the dawn, precariously perched on the lowest tree branch that would hold them. Their back popped as they lowered themselves back to the ground, every muscle stiffer than steel, soles of their feet burning as pressure was put on the scratches and bruises peppering them.

But they hadn’t been torn apart by wolves in the night. Pain, they could deal with.