Happy Holidays; December 18 2024

I don’t know about y’all, but I get so excited to give presents at the holidays that I start shopping in, say, September. I’m jittery just waiting to give them out! And, honestly… I think that excitement is all that’s keeping me going this month.

I hoped moving would have an impact on my PTSD regarding this season, but it didn’t, and things have been rough in so many other areas that I’m having a hard time finding things to be positive about. I feel like I’m fumbling and failing in all the things I have control over, and like the things I don’t control are closing in, making it hard to breathe.

So, let me use this blog post to think of the Good lately.

I’ve got wonderful roommates and friends, and the place I’m now living is so much more a home than my last apartment – it still doesn’t feel real, living here, but there’s space for everything and comfort.

My kid is doing better with her own struggles, has so many friends, loves school. I’m so fortunate (and baffled) to have such a social kid; I was shy at her age.

My writing and revisions have gone well, and I got a literary agent this year! That’s a huge win.

And, for the first time in… a very long time, to the point where I don’t recall when I last did this… I’m taking time for myself. I watch TV, play video games again, without feeling guilty for it. I still make sure the things that need to be done get done, and I no longer feel like it’s never enough.

It honestly used to be that I couldn’t see the ups and downs of life for what they were. There was just a baseline quality of life that sometimes I could meet, but mostly couldn’t.

I’ve reframed it, I think. Understood that I have to stop comparing my life to what it could’ve been. It just… is. It’s hard but I’m handling it.

I hope there have been enough peaks in your year to give you something to be grateful for, and that the valleys never dipped too low!

And, since I probably won’t be blogging next week… happy holidays, y’all!